The Value of Loneliness
A graphite pencil observation of people living life alone and the value of solitude, reflection, and inner peace
I was raised Korean Buddhist. We were taught that life is suffering, which is a saying that I think is often taken out of context. One of the core principles is simply that suffering is a part of life, and that we have to accept that. When we deny it, we ironically cause more suffering for ourselves. Another part of it is to be less attached to material things (e.g., I’m going to be so upset if I don’t get that raise, etc.).
If we could be happy with less, wouldn’t a lot more people be happy in this world?
To be more comfortable with this idea and to manage our own reactions to suffering, we also have to be comfortable with our own minds - because it is exactly that which turns on us in those times.
When I first moved to the United States, I noticed that many people also have an aversion to being alone. I personally really enjoy being alone, and spending time in solitude. But now there are articles like Silicon Valley County Declares Loneliness a Health Emergency. Keep in mind, while San Mateo isn’t the richest county - that’s just a bit further south in Atherton, which is the richest zipcode in the entire U.S. - it is socioeconomically well off. Moreso than the average American county.
So if these people have so much going for them materially, why are they so lonely?
As they age, their material achievements matter less. The work and hustle of the Bay no longer serves them, and those who spend much of their time here in the grind do not spend much time reflecting, being comfortable in solitude, or building deep relationships and community.
Relationships in general have also become more transactional - need a date? Just go on an app, who has time to meet and get to know someone through conversation anyway. Need an investor? Cofounder? Try speedmatching! Starting a conversation? First question is what do you do (for work). The Burners and techies are all biohacking and microdosing to eek out every bit of creativity and productivity to do more in a day.
I know a handful of amazing humans that are exceptions, but I bet the majority would be uncomfortable if they were placed in a room alone with nothing but incense burning and a wooden floor.
The thing is, solitude gives us reflection, and reflection brings us peace. That peace and comfort with our own minds even enriches the social interactions that we do have. In my experience, the happiest, most fun people to talk to and hang out with are monks!
Here’s a series of graphite drawings tied to this observation, and how loneliness doesn’t have to be such a bad thing after all:
I hope this adds a different perspective to handling loneliness. What are you observing when it comes to loneliness?
I'd like to add a nuance: loneliness and solitude are not the same thing. You can feel lonely in a crowd, for example, or be alone and not feel lonely. I think one's subjective experience of 'aloneness' can swing between these two.
Also, great drawings!
I love my alone time too! I wonder sometimes how many people don’t understand the concept of joy from within